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Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
On one of his many name changes:
"You gonna see that in the entrance. You gonna see that swagger. You gonna see how I`m gonna navigate you through the journey."
I might need Spark Notes to get through James Joyce's Ulysses in one piece, but I don't need an over-cologned GPS with a swagger to navigate my way through Asshat's name changes.
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Discussing his relationship with Snoop Dogg:
"We ain't no gangsters. We are men first."
Hands raised...anyone ever in a million trillion years thought Puffy was gangsta or a real person? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. Voodoo economics...
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
I don't know where any of you got the idea that Mr. Combs is primarily concerned with flashy cars, golddigging women and beach houses in The Hamptons.
"I'm most concerned about is finding inner peace and happiness. All that glitters isn't gold. And there are things better than gold---like having a meaningful conversation, seeing your kids healthy and smiling, and getting along with your mother."
All that glitters IS gold...satchels of gold...my precious satchels of gold...the precious! Just ask Gollum, umm, I mean Kelly Bensimon.
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Other people win Nobel prizes, compete on Jeopardy or grow big pumpkins for 4-H Clubs:
"Who could have sex the longest. I think that's an event I can do well in. And probably who could stay up the longest."
Well, I've lost my appetite---how about you? Unless my name is Kim Porter and I'm getting a mansion out of conversing about his penis, I just don't want to know it exists.
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Oh woe is Diddy! Instead of using his private jet, he is forced to fly with the rest of the first class rabble:
"That's how high gas prices are. I'm at the gate right now. This is really happening, proof gas prices are too high. Tell whoever the next president is we need to bring gas prices down."
Gas causing him discomfort? Take one Gas-X and he'll be back to flying around in no time like some sort of oblivious diamond-encrusted side character in an Evelyn Waugh novel.
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
One day, Puffy is going to be looked upon the same way Pet Rocks, shag carpeting and Tomogatchi are:
"I think that it's important for me to mature and evolve as an artist... I'm trying to get my Black Bruce Willis on."
Does this mean he wants to be a bald former action star whose ex-wife marries a dumbass with a career now confined to making commercials?
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Never one to let filling the shoes of a legend like Sidney Poitier in "A Raisin In The Sun" get in the way of his yacht-sized ego:
"He was obviously more seasoned as an actor. But it can be said my interpretation will have more impact on this generation."
Can we go back in time and not let Puffy get famous? Otherwise I vote to leave this generation and join the baby boomers. At least I could collect social security before it goes broke.
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Another droll observation on love from the irrelevant millionaire:
"Sometimes, when two people get together, you feel a certain type of spark that's like, 'Yo!'"
If you're hooking up with Diddy, that certain type of spark should be from electroshock therapy.
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Always humble, never delusional...
"Sean John is fashion Viagra. I’ve had 40 year-old men tell me that once they started wearing Sean Jean, everything changed for them, [including] their sex life."
Alas! If only Bob Dole had a Sean John velour track suit...oh the places he could have gone...
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
In the Sean Combs time machine, the election was already over on the morning of the election:
"I felt like my vote was the vote that put him into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. And that may not be true, but that's how much power it felt like I had."
Thank god the election officials keep track of those things. If it had been Chase Crawford's vote that put Obama in office, I just don't know if it would have the same glitzy "oomph".
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Free gift with purchase!
"While I'm getting ready I like to relax with a drink – vodka and lemonade – and listen to some James Brown. Then I'll have a manicure and pedicure – and yes, I wax as well. Men owe it to women to make sure they are well-groomed. I wax my privates. I also wear my fragrance, Unforgivable Black."
As an added bonus, you'll receive wads of tasteless info you didn't ask for when purchasing his crappy cologne. Supplies are endless so if you miss this opportunity, more nuggets of TMI will be there when Puffy has another product to foist upon the world. Sorry, no returns allowed.
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Even grosser than The Age of Aquarius:
"We had to simplify it. Diddy is more personal. We are entering into the age of Diddy. It's a new era. "
Is it just me or does that sound like some sort of threat? I for one will not go gentle into the Diddy era. Rise up fellow Americans! Rise up!
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Isn't it enough that we let him change his name every two months? Do we really have to be assaulted in this manner???
"It feels like I could go outside with a bikini thong on right now."
If Oedipus were here, he'd stab his eyes out all over again.
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Citing the high cost of fabricating your own street cred:
"This whole Puff Daddy thing has taken a toll on me."
It's taken a toll on us too.
Sean Puffy Combs Occupation: Overproduced as a person
Hey now! Don't throw down with Diddy! He's Smokey the Bear of schmaltzy urban dance...
"I'll smack flames out of your a**! "
One of the rejected scenes from La Cage aux Folles?
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