Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
This makes sense coming from a woman with a walk-in closet living in 1995 that's filled with dresses and denim shorts the size of stripper Garanimals:
"I disregard time. You don't see me wear a watch. I don't have birthdays."
I disregard time actually translates into "I can't tell time and I also can't find a watch four times too small to fit the hamhocks I call wrists."
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
Every time I see a Mariah quote, I think to myself, "Maybe this is why Hello Kitty doesn't have a mouth."
"I can't put the same type of pressure on myself about being a mom as I do about making a song."
Yeah, I mean, being a mom just entails taking care of a human being. Making a pop song, well, that's IMPORTANT stuff. It might reach number one on iTunes for a whole week until Katy Perry releases another video where she squirts things out of her bra.
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
Someone obviously didn't watch their own episode of "MTV Cribs":
"I am baffled, shocked and appalled when I am called a diva. I've never done a diva-ish thing in my life."
I am baffled, shocked and appalled she said this without hell freezing over. Even Barbra Streisand is like, "Oh no she di'int."
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
Here's your golden ticket, Petunia Pig! You're going to Hollywood!
"I'd rather be onstage with a pig - a duet with Jennifer Lopez and me just ain't going to happen."
Of course she'd rather be on stage with a pig. It's like looking at herself in a mirror. Allow me to explain. Pigs are pork. Ground pork gets stuffed into casings and turned into sausage. Mariah Carey is porky. She stuffs herself into clothing two sizes too small thus encasing herself into the shape of a Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage link. Sorry, it's the best I got.
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
The High Priestess of Butterflies flutters from the heavens with words of wisdom.
"Never, never listen to anybody that tries to discourage you."
Mariah's right. If the snotty salesgirl at Forever 21 smirks when you sausage yourself into a tube dress two sizes two small, you show her! Work that age-inappropriate ensemble!
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
I shudder to think what the fee surcharge is...
"Sometimes you just do really feel like an ATM machine with a wig on it."
At least Nick Cannon won't get confused. He'll just look for the glittery ATM with the denim shorts three sizes too small.
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
Things stupid people muse about in their spare time:
"Wouldn’t it be really hot if I could just blink and change my outfit right now? How amazing would that be?"
What would it matter Mimi? You'd still be dressed like a cheap and desperate 40-something when all the blinking subsided.
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
What does Mariah say when asked how many bathrooms are in her NYC home?
"I don’t know! Do you really want me to try and think about it? "
Oh golly no, Mariah! We wouldn't want you to tax your already limited brain capacity by counting numbers.
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
The Magic 8-Ball sez:
"'Glitter' was ahead of its time."
Ahhh yes, validating my theory that the human race is becoming stupider. By the year 2069, "Glitter" will be a masterpiece. Rosebud!
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
Upon learning that the King of Jordan had passed away:
"I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time."
So right Mimi! It was totally rad the way he was able to win six NBA championships, shill Hanes underwear and still broker a peace deal with Israel.
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
Just proving that fruitcakes come in all shapes and sizes:
"I like to get out of the hot tub and roll in the snow. It’s a tradition for us to have Santa Claus-looking bikinis, jump in the hot tub, and roll in the fresh snow."
This reminds me of when I breaded chicken cutlets for frying last night.
Mariah Carey Occupation: Hungry Hungry Hippo
Someone took Bette Midler's song a bit too close to heart...
"I'm my own hero. That's my job."
Do they have a union for that?

Search

Twitter Feed

  • More on the LBD...considering how many items of black clothing I own, this is ridiculous. Blazing hot DC weather wreaking havoc on choices.
  • Finding that black dress for Arlington is proving more difficult than I first thought. Every LBD looks ugly, Dynasty-like, or cheap office.
  • Where should I go on vacation? It's been so long that my vacation deciding skills are rusty. Maybe I should go visit The Waltons house...
  • RT @mental_floss: The Stories Behind Donna Summer's Biggest Hits — http://t.co/tD94tfjl
  • What a shit day. I've got nothing else to say about it.
  • Rest in peace, Adam Yauch. Too soon. Way too soon for you to be gone. My condolences go out to your family. #MCA #BeastieBoys
  • Happy birthday, B. I found the pocket watch tonight. "Time and tide wait for no man." Didn't even remember giving it to u but there it was.
  • The Duran Duran episode pt 2: When did Andy Taylor start looking like Eddie Van Halen in a zip up fleece? Plus, he needs to wash his hair.
  • The Duran Duran episode: John Taylor is wearing a lavender shirt w/matching lavender tie. Also does this mean I'll have 2 hear Election Day?
  • It's cold. I'm bored. But! The Duran Duran Behind The Music episode is on VH-1 Classic so there's that. I have so little in life.
  • Follow Us >

Battle of the Sexes

Who is more stupid - men or women?
Men listed on site: 133
Total Entries from Men: 469
Women listed on site: 169
Total Entries from Women: 910

Wanna Talk?

If you have an idea for a submission, wish to congratulate and/or berate us, or otherwise need to contact us, please send all emails to: pns@prettyandstupid.com

Disclaimer

The quotes published on this site are gathered from a variety of sources and are meant for entertainment purposes only. We provide no warranty as to the veracity of the content presented. In short, if you can't take a joke, leave or grow some 'nads.

All celebrity images that appear on this site are the copyright of their respective owners, and we claim no credit for them whatsoever. If you own the rights to any image, and do not wish them to appear on this site, please contact us, and we shall remove them. We may not be funny, but at least we're not thieves.