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Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
Ahem! Mrs. David Silver has something to say no one cares about:
"Since I was 18, I've been a lot of different people. I've grown up, I've regressed, it's been difficult."
It's been so much simpler since she decided to be Angelina Jolie for the rest of her career.
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
Someone woke up with a screamingly painful self-awareness migraine today:
"I hate receiving compliments; I hate being told I'm talented or people think I'm going to be a movie star. I always feel that it's forced and fake."
Oh pet, they are being fake! You aren't talented. You're going to end up in a one season sitcom on a third-rate cable network soon. No need to cry Restasis tears, Megan! You'll always have those Brian Austin Green rap cd royalties on which to fall back.
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
All this and picking up Donna Martin's sloppy seconds?
"I need to behave in a way and handle myself in a way that will cause people to take me seriously, you can be sexy and be intelligent and be taken seriously."
Someone can. Not Megan Fox, but that's not what she's here for is it? She's here to make Michael Bay look intelligent which, let's face it, is a Herculean task at best.
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
Some of you probably think it's time to hide all the take-out food for two weeks:
"I'll starve to death before I'll cook for myself. I think I could survive a week without eating."
She's like a bimbo camel, storing excess food in her tits and extra fat in her empty head.
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
On the loveliness of eating with restaurant forks:
"Putting my mouth where a million other mouths have been, just knowing all the bacteria that you carry in your mouth? Ucch!"
Finally an answer to why she is dating Brian Austin Green: practically bacteria free boyfriend! Remember when he thought he was a rapper? Yeah, no way even 7 mouths have been near his pecker much less a million! By the way, Brian Austin Green and the word "pecker"...ucch!
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
From the girl dating David Silver voluntarily...in 2010...not 1993...as if that would make it better:
"I'm clearly not ugly."
That viewpoint depends on whether you bought The Personality Mirror or just the plain old I Want To Look Like Angelina Jolie Mirror.
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
Our A+ graduate of A.P. Psychology class gives her opinion on the true nature of "High School Musical":
"Ok, well let me tell you what [High School Musical] is really about. High School Musical is about this group of boys who are all being molested by the basketball coach, who is Zac Efron's dad. It's about them struggling to cope with this molestation. And they have these little girlfriends, who are their beards. Oh, and somehow there's music involved. You have to get stoned to watch it."
This quote reminds me of mediocre minded girls who think they're badass trying to impress a room full of smart people. They rant about how The Man sucks, how they've got to change their tampon, and how they never watch tv. But of course, the pièce de résistance of their conversation is how they get stoned! You'd be really the coolest girl...in seventh grade, Megan.
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
STOP! Don't even think to approach The Megan with your infantile convos and pretty hair!
"Robert Pattinson and Zac--they're just too pretty with the big hair and the suits. And Rob is, what, 22? Zac is 21? That's a joke. Boys in their twenties are a waste of time. They have nothing to offer conversationally; they're immature. I feel like I have a better shot with someone in his thirties."
On target as usual, Megan. Boys in their 20s certainly have nothing to contribute to conversations about your every day life. Y'know, posing with your finger in your mouth, getting photographed in a wet bikini with your nipples erect and Michael Bay's "Transformers". Those kinds of conversations should be reserved for older, sophisticates with a certain Maxim savior-faire.
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
I think I read this in an Angelina Jolie interview in Sassy before:
"That's my end goal. It has nothing to do with the box office. It's about peer recognition and critical acclaim, even on a small level. I mean, I'm not trying to take Cate Blanchett down."
Boob implants, casting couches and everything Brian Austin Green...

That's what bad actresses are made of!
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
Class personified proves she understands the digestive system...sort of:
"If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it's like you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why."
I'm sure The Belching Queen Cameron Diaz is kicking herself in the butt for not thinking to say something like this first.
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
Sigh. The big jugged narcissist strikes again.
"I basically read every book ever written about Marilyn Monroe. I could end up like that because I constantly struggle with the idea that I think I'm a borderline personality - or that I have bouts of mild schizophrenia."
Can't she be content stealing Angelina Jolie's personality? Does she have to work her way down the entire Hollywood Walk of Fame?
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
Guess who passed her "Angelina Jolie: The Gia Years" final exam with an A+?
"I'm just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It's just there. It's something I don't have to turn on."
I think Proactive or that zit zapper Whitney Port is hawking might help her with those oozing pores.
Megan Fox Occupation: Created in a P.R. lab
Reciting a passage from her own personal copy of I Wanna Be Angelina: The Sassy Magazine Years, here's Megan!
"...and instead of the entire planet, can you just take out all of the white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America?"
Apparently, the "white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people" in other parts of the country get a pass. Maybe they're her relatives...
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