Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
What. A. Blockhead.
"In a city that is known for its exotic dancing and for being progressive and edgy, how sad that a woman would be banned from using her own body in a political protest over the suffering of cows and chickens. In some parts of the world, women are forced to cover their whole bodies with burqas---is that next? I didn't think that Canada would be so puritanical."
She should get Caitlin Ryan from the Degrassi school newspaper to do an searing exposé on female oppression carried out by banning leathery bimbos from nakedly protesting in the names of cows and chickens. If anyone can put Canada in its place, it's Caitlin.
- 08.16.2010 | 7:08 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
A heartwarming familial tale that would tug the billy clubs of the most seasoned Boston cops, circa 1901...
"My dad was always reckless, always in jail. It was like, Why is Daddy in jail again? It was always for something like stealing a sack of potatoes or punching a cop."
Pammy's daddy was a tater-stealin', police-punching jailbird. Growing up with such a stellar paternal figure like that in her life, it truly boggles the mind how Pam ever settled for such a tame, law-abiding dork like Tommy Lee.
- 07.15.2010 | 7:05 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
If I were Canada, I would have exiled her to America, too.
"I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked."
Oh my gosh. What a sexy quote. I can barely stand how sexy it is. If I were a slightly balding, middle aged ex-frat boy, I'd have a messy stain on my easy fit, perma-press Dockers right now.
- 06.02.2010 | 7:33 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
If a journalist asks Pamela "I had a ghostwriter for my books" Anderson if she reads Soren Kierkegaard, what do you think her response is?
"Uh, what movies was he in?"
So much for the Canadian educational system! If you watch Degrassi, you'd know there was a problem anyway. The only class they really ever attend is Snake's computer programming class where they spend all their time on the fake Degrassi Facebook.
- 05.28.2010 | 11:56 am
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
Pam Anderson recalls cozy memories of yuletide cheer and reveals the never before seen "George and Mary Bailey" side to her relationship with Tommy Lee and her children.
"But he's [Tommy Lee] not really around at all. When he's around he's like 'Fun Dad,' and he buys them AirSoft guns and knives. It's not a Weekend Dad -- it's a December 25th Day Dad...I was coming over to Tommy's house on Christmas, and they were shooting the neighbor's place in the street, and he's inside on his BlackBerry. Um, children shooting machine-gun AirSoft pellets with no eyewear? I said, I'm taking them home. Then, I'm like, OK, I'll just stay here and have sex with you to make sure the kids are OK. That's the real version of prostitution. It's being a Mom. Heidi Fleiss, where are you?"
Every time Pamela Anderson speaks, an angel rips off his wings in protest, speed dials the Los Angeles DCFS, orders a bucket of Original Recipe from KFC and gets shit-faced with Kid Rock.
- 05.21.2010 | 12:53 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
The Motor City Madman might have something to say about that:
"Men hunt I think maybe because they have something wrong with their own equipment and they need something else to shoot."
Women put silicone in their boobs I think maybe because they think they have something wrong with their own equipment and they need to get more lines on "Baywatch".
- 05.19.2010 | 11:34 am
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
Canada's national spring flower spews a beauty tip...
"Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror."
And five or six surgeries, peroxide by the gallons, natural fake eyelashes, and lip liner ten shades darker than her lipstick. Can you imagine if she wore a full set of clothes before leaving the house? She'd have to wake up at 4 AM just to make it to Happy Hour at Red Lobster.
- 05.15.2010 | 7:37 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
This quote could redefine the word "fortunate" for people:
"I've been fortunate - I haven't had too many auditions. I slept with the right people."
Scott Baio. Tommy Lee. Kid Rock. Bret Michaels. Ric Salomon. Yep. This is a list that explains the current state of Pamela's Dancing With The Has-Beens career.
- 04.20.2010 | 6:50 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
Wondering why Pam's marriage to Kid Rock didn't make it to fifty years?
"We didn't sit down and read books all night, which I love to do."
You can tell by the list of people on Pam's dating resume that reading Kafka is a priority.
- 05.14.2009 | 7:21 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
Conveniently developing amensia regarding Rick Salomon, Tommy Lee and Chachi, Pam has this to say:
"I've always had good penis karma."
Yet another sad case of a vagina in need of Lasik surgery.
- 03.11.2009 | 4:04 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
Goes a long way towards explaining Tommy Lee:
"I don't think about anything too much . . . If I think too much, it kind of freaks me out!"
Do you think the gears in her head make those loud, squeaky, please-oil-me noises when she thinks?
- 07.02.2007 | 5:53 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
The Silicone Simpleton reveals her inadequacies as an author:
"Well, there are things I don’t really know about, like sentence structure, a beginning, a middle, and an end."
Oh swell. Now all my illusions have been shattered. I guess I'll have to go read Nicole Richie's book instead.
- 03.20.2007 | 10:07 pm
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Pamela Anderson
Occupation: Aging Sex Symbol
The wonder of Pam...
"Tommy, there could totally be mountain lions here 'cause it's so flat. "
To which Tommy probably replied "Yeah babe. Now show me your tits".
- 08.15.2006 | 9:34 pm
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