Rejoice, bank accounts of dermatologists across the world! Akhenaten Paltrow decrees sunshine is good! Sunscreen suspiciously M.I.A. in her quote. Maybe it's baking pizza in her outdoor pizza oven.
"We're human beings and the sun is the sun---how can it be bad for you? I think we should all get sun and fresh air. I don't think anything that is natural can be bad...."
Bat poo is natural. Does she plan to sprinkle that over her next Starbucks Grande? Why, why, why? Why does she keep talking? Why has no one mentioned to her that her skin has a perpetual windburn look to it? Why, oh why, is John Mayer famous? So many questions, so little time.
The Colonic Critic, Poopy Paltrow, deigns to discuss other actors' resumes:
"Even actresses that you really admire, like Reese Witherspoon, you think, 'Another romantic comedy?' You see her in something like Walk the Line and think, 'God, you're so great!' And then you think, 'Why is she doing these stupid romantic comedies?' But of course, it's for money and status."
Poopy doesn't need to do movies for money and status. She just does ads and more ads. And might I point out, Poopy? "Duets" and "A View From The Top". Why don't you cook those in your wood-burning outdoor pizza oven and shove them in your gob?
Her Royal Poopiness had this to say about her attendance at next year's Met Gala:
"I'm never going again. It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all."
May the gods not strike me down. I'm about to agree with Paltrow. If I had to be in the same room with Miley Cyrus' horse chompers, Jessica Biel's fame desperation and Kim Kardashian's...umm...just Kim Kardashian, I'd rather stay home and scrub my outdoor pizza oven while listening to endless replays of "Yellow", too.
See what happens when you don't appreciate how nice Mealy Mouth was when she shared stupid photos of herself on Twitter? She takes it all away! Ungrateful, stupid peasant, you!
"We were too nice to the world and gave them too much insight---into my life and my puppies and my house---and I just don't feel they get that privilege any more."
Oh god, I don't get that privilege anymore? Pinky swear? You won't share intimate details of your moronic trailer park existence or suggestive photos of you draped over your father's lap in magazines anymore? I'm holding you to that promise, Mealy! I'll try to assuage the pain the best I can.
I won't believe this unless I see Go-Poopy baking barley and chia seed casserole wearing the Cross Colours leather jacket, the pacifier hanging on a chain and the Club MTV spandex dress she bought at Merry-Go-Round:
"He [Chris Martin] can't have background music on. It has to be 100 percent of his attention. But if he isn't at home, I turn on the hip-hop---I'm like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook."
Everyone who thinks Gwynnie is trying to up her street cred doing the running man to "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" or Vanilla Ice's "Play That Funky Music", raise your hand. She really just sucks so much as a human being, doesn't she?
Anne HathawayOccupation: Preciously perky in every way!
Another story on why The Professional Oscar Campaigner of 2013 had to send her new husband back to his nursery:
"He walks into a room, and I light up. I can’t help it. A few days into it [filming Les Misérables] I said 'I'm having too much fun, I just want to play with you and I need to be really sad right now.'"
Why does she make it sound like she's married to a Yorkshire terrier puppy?
Men listed on site: 135
Total Entries from Men: 477
Women listed on site: 174
Total Entries from Women: 934
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